Positive Discipline
So many people vary in their stance in response to disciplining their children. It has definitely been a hot topic for some time! There are many different discipline styles (e.g., boundary, gentle, behavior modification, positive, etc.) and they all have a similar goal - to learn about consequences (natural and logical) and to understand the responsibility for what did or did not happen. For the purpose of this post, we are going to take a look into positive discipline.
Positive discipline helps build self-control, responsibility, self-regulation, and cultivate decision-making skills in our kids. This subtype of discipline suggests that children behave when they feel encouraged and experience a sense of belonging. Within this model, misbehavior is seen as a learning opportunity in which the child is actively engaged in finding a solution to the problem. The overarching goal of positive discipline is to share control and problem-solve with your child.
Here is what positive discipline can look like during different situations:
Hitting
Remove your child from the situation to “reset” in a calm location.
Say: “Gentle hands” and model.
Not listening
Use your child’s name, get on their level, and establish eye contact to ensure you have their attention.
Use a quiet voice once you have their attention so that they have to focus on what you are saying.
Indicate natural consequences “If you don’t get dressed, we will not have time to play”.
Tantrums
Identify the underlying need (e.g., hungry, tired, etc.).
Remove your child from the situation to maintain their dignity and to provide a less stimulating environment.
Once your child has reset, process through what happened with your child in a supportive approach.
A child tantruming is typically overwhelmed and/or overstimulated - This is not a bad behavior.
Talking back
Remind your child of how you talk to one another.
If the behavior continues, remove yourself from the situation and return once all parties are calm and can process the situation.
Parenting is not easy and there is no “one way” that works for every family, child, and situation. The most important thing to remember is after your child engages in a behavior that requires some degree of discipline, always return to a state in which you and your child can process, talk, and connect. Relationship building and securing a trusting connection with your child is key.
