It’s hard to know what to say.
We’ve all had a time when someone we care about is upset and it can be difficult to know what to say or if we should say anything at all. I think we all go into these situations with good intentions; however, there are better ways to support those that we love navigating grief and sadness. Let’s be honest - life can be hard and very unpredictable. With that, everyone experiences grief and sadness differently. Here are some suggestions on how to navigate that:
Unhelpful things to say to someone who is upset:
“Why don’t you just…”
“Yes, that happened to me and I…”
“At least…”
“You need to do something to cheer yourself up”
“I totally understand what you are going through.”
“Don’t cry. It’s okay.”
“It will all be okay.”
“When I felt that way, I found this to be helpful.”
Try these helpful phrases instead:
“How are you feeling now?”
“How was that for you?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like…”
“That sounds like it was incredibly painful.”
“I’m here to listen.”
“Do you want to tell me more about that?”
“Is it helpful to share with me or maybe we could just sit together?”
“Is there anything you would like to hear to support you?”
“Do you want me to listen or to help problem-solve?”
“It sounds like this is really hard for you. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to someone about this?”
Sometimes the best thing we can do to support those we love is ask what role they want us to play and simply listen. I’m sure we can all think of a time when we shared something we were going through with a friend or family member and they constantly provided input, suggestions, and took the role of a problem-solver. That’s probably not what you were looking for. Don’t be that person unless that’s the role they want or need you to take. It’s okay to just be present and listen. With that said, if you ever have significant concerns about someone’s safety, never sit with that and seek help and ensure that their family/support system is aware of your safety concerns.
