Bullying: It’s not a Joke!

Apr 24

We've all heard it before. "It was just a joke. I was just playing. I wasn't being serious. Other people say worse things". What about that one student who did take that derogatory comment seriously? As we all know, words can be hurtful, harmful, and can have a lasting impression. They can be so harmful that we end up perseverating on these false claims and ideas that were said to us, to the point in which we change the way that we think about ourselves, our self-worth, and even our self-identify. Here are some stats:

Each day, 6 of 10 teenagers will admit to witnessing bullying throughout their school day
7% of 8th Graders stay home in fear of being bullied
83% of females and 79% of males report harassment at some point in their high school career
10-40% of youth report cyberbullying
34% of LGBTQ+ students were bullied on school property
28% of LGBTQ+ students experienced cyberbullying
Approximately 20% of adults experience and witness bullying within the workplace

So, what exactly is bullying?

Bullying is considered to have four elements: An imbalance of power, whether that be physical, intellectual, or emotional; the action is repeated over time; the action is intentional by means of attempting to intimidate or hurt another person; lastly, non-equivalent experiences of emotion - the bully feels some sort of a positive feeling, whereas the victim feels some degree of distress. Children engage in these behaviors for a multitude of reasons. These may include experiencing excitement, gaining attention and/or popularity, a response to experienced home stressors, and gaining power over peers. When looking at groups of students, students with disabilities and who those who identify as LGBTQ+ are at an even greater risk.

Since bullying happens so frequently and at times it is difficult to identify at the moment, bullying can be very difficult to stop. Additionally, since it's nearly impossible to monitor children at all times and places, we may even underestimate the extent of experienced bullying. This is particularly true when thinking of relational bullying (attempts to hurt a student's friendships, status, or role in a peer group), as well as cyberbullying (use of social media and messaging that is abusive or hurtful). Due to the nature of the internet, cyberbullying can happen at any time.

The effects of bullying are significant. Children who are frequently bullied have a greater degree of experienced depression, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, rejection, exclusion, despair, health complaints, as well as decreased motivation and academic achievement. Students who are constantly harassed are 2-9% more likely to engage in suicidal ideation and attempt. One of the most disturbing facts is a large portion of students reported that they do not feel as though they have the skills, power, or social permission to intervene. So, what do we do?

Educators

The two most important considerations in establishing and maintaining an environment that prevents bullying are our efforts in building relationships with kids and establishing clear policies and practices that promote zero tolerance for bullying. When you see or hear something, take it seriously and address it. Our efforts on increasing our student's understanding and implementation of pro-social behaviors and being a better global citizen are key. It is our job as educators and community members to empower our students to stand up for those around them, even if they do not have a relationship with them. The ability to engage in perspective-taking of how other children may feel in various situations may not be a common core standard, but it is a pillar to doing the right thing and living a life that supports those around them, no matter where they come from, how much money they have, what they look like, how they talk, how they identify, or how they learn.

Parents

Positive parenting practices, such as having honest and open conversations can help reduce teen health risk factors. The way in which parents and family members engage with their children can have a significant impact on their current and future mental and physical health. Parents who are both supportive and accepting can help youth cope with experienced challenges. To be supportive, parents should talk openly and supportively with their teen about any problems or concerns that they are experiencing. Let's face it. Children and teens go through a lot! Life today is NOT how life was like when you were a child. To complicate it even more, every child can experience the same situation differently. The amount of social stressors and pressure that children experience due to social media usage and high, sometimes, unachievable standards has significantly altered the playing field. But that will be a topic for another day.

It is also important for parents to watch for behaviors that might indicate their child is a victim of bullying or violence - or that their child may be victimizing others (your child may be the bully). If bullying, violence, or depression is suspected, parents should take immediate action, working with school personnel and other adults in the community. Examples of helpful school personnel include your child's teacher, school counselor, administrator, or a trusted adult. What your child experiences and feels are important. No feeling is not worth discussing and diving deeper into.

Kindness matters. You matter.